Tuesday, July 08, 2008

I've been visiting my favorite blogs not leaving any comments. I know there's a word for that but for the life of me I can't remember what it is. Things that seemed so important now shrink to insignificance.

If you read this and are one of those people who cared and were concerned about Wanda, thank you. As you know my posting ended with the diagnosis of her cancer. The time consumed by the blog was time away from Wanda.

I have found out that the HER-2 receptor type of cancer she had is particularly aggressive. Any reoccurance within a five year time frame is not good. Wanda' s reoccured within months. Three bouts of as many types of chemo each more potent only left her feeling worse.

Wanda was told of the terminal prognosis several months ago and did not share that information. She told no one, not wanting anyone to worry about her. Even when the pain in her hips and legs became so intense and 911 was called the week before her leaving us I was still under the impression it was a reaction to the medication she was taking.

The following day when the Dr. explained the pain was because of the cancer and when Wanda said hospice would be comming to the house on her release I numbly realized the the probable outcome. On the way home from the hospital she told me how much the desease had spread to more than several vital organs. Even then her spirits were good. And I still had hope for her complete healing.

I had a week with her to tell her all those things we want to tell the one we love most before they go. How she was my hero and how proud I was to be her husband and of course how much I loved her and how much she was loved by others. I held her hand and gave her repeated kisses.
She told me of her love for me. She told me she was not afraid of death. Her faith was strong and she knew she would soon be home with our Lord.

Her passing was with such grace and dignity it demonstrated she was leaving our love and entering a greater love in the presence of our Savior. Her head was in her sister Paulette's lap and I knelt beside her and held and kissed her hand. She raised her head, gave several coughs and gave my hand a squeeze. That final small embrace said it all; "I love you, I'm fine now, you'll be O.K., be brave, I'll see you later". Joseph Campbell said, "the best things can't be spoken". He was so right.

As I said many things seem now so insignificant. The state of the world, politics, the economy won't change significantly as long as people remain the same. Wanda left me with this. Love and trust in the Lord. If you don't know His redeeming grace get to know it now! You never know what tomorrow may bring. You don't believe in God? You are misled. I am as sure as the grass grows and the wind blows there is a loving Creator who sent his Son to redeem us and make a way for us to spend eternity in His unconditional love. If for whatever reason you deny this it is unfortunate to no one but yourself. And if you do deny keep your ignorance to yourself, as I say to me much is now so very insignificant. However if you do come to realize the truth which shall set you free I will rejoice with you as I now rejoice knowing Wanda is held in loving arms much greater than mine.


Blogger benning said...

Dear Lord, I am so sorry to hear this. I know you both were missed, and I guess we all figured you'd be back when things got better. I didn't expect this.

Her Spirit is free; Wanda is Home again. GOD Bless her.


10:07 AM  
Blogger itsboopchile said...

Thank you so much for this tribute to Wanda. It is lovely all the way through and your deep love for her comes through so clear.
I weep for you and know life is not the same.
But God is the same and he knows how you feel and Wanda knew how you felt and will expect you to join her some day.
In the meantime, it is good to have you back and we expect to hear from you often.
Much love,
Betty G

11:58 AM  
Blogger threecollie said...

Words just can't express how terribly sorry I am for the loss of your beautiful wife.

1:12 PM  
Blogger dragonfly said...

I am so so sorry to hear that. I really did hope everything would be fine. "To love is to receive a glimpse of heaven." - Karen Sunde
Muchch love from Poland!

5:57 AM  
Blogger GUYK said...

I never can find the words for times like this..I am sorry for your loss..I just can't imagine my life without my dear one in it..and I know it is tough for you.

6:23 AM  
Blogger JihadGene said...

I came here via GuyK.
So sad to hear of your great loss. Our prayers to you all.

8:12 PM  
Blogger The MacBean Gene said...

Thank you all. I know that we can only bear the unbearable because we have a loving God who supports us.

10:01 PM  
Blogger Northwoods Woman said...

I'm so sorry, I know I'm late, but my prayers are with you.

5:26 PM  
Blogger karl said...

lurker, someone who posts and never comments.

just came here for the first time. sorry t hear about your wife.



5:57 PM  
Blogger Omnibus Driver said...

I am so sorry for your loss. You and your family have been in my thoughts and prayers.

2:29 PM  
Anonymous Lifecruiser said...

Oh, no! Such sad news.... I'd hope that you'd come with good news. DAMN THAT EVIL CANCER!!!!!

I got tears in my eyes at once I started reading and you've written so honestly and heartbreaking about your loss. I'm so so sorry.

Of course everything else seems insignificant. It's a life filled with so much love you two had together.

I can't even get out the words I wanna say, my throat is jammed of sorrow.

Take your time. I'll be there when you feel like visit again.

(((Big Bear Hugs))

7:45 AM  

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