Thursday, July 24, 2008

Last year there was a promise of orchid pictures. Then Stella put orchid on the menu. But plants are hardy things and this year for the first time since I brought it home shortly after Wanda and I were married only seven short years ago, it bloomed. Now I see two new shoots comming on and hopefully since Stella no longer has a taste for orchid there will be four blossoms come March.

March is not my favorite month since March 12, 2oo7 was the day Wanda was diagnosed with breast cancer.

Benning, who among others has remained steadfast asks, as others have, "how are you doing?" I seem to be doing fine. Wanda said I would be fine if she should be called home. I really don't know how "I" am doing because "I" am not "me" any more. When Wanda and I went to counseling with Rev. Smith who married us I was told she would become "bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh". And she did, so the "me" that was is no longer the "me " that is.

It's as if I have entered another dimension. A kind of placid twilight zone in which spirits become real and our loving heavenly Father gives the comfort He promised. Life as I knew it no longer exists. I have seen incredible courage and love while knowing that death was imminent. And when death came a grace beyond my understanding. Wanda and I would argue over who loved who more. She won that argument.

Only God, and now Wanda know why she was taken and I remain. Things should have been the other way around. Hospice should have been bringing the walker, shower chair and oxygen for me, not her.

So I'm like the orchid which waited untill it was healed from the gnawing and now promises to be even better than before. Perserverence comes from love and I have been given a greater understanding of what real love is and at the same time a knowledge of the unfathomable love that God has for us. For me, this world is very different.


Blogger dragonfly said...

You write so beautifully about what love really is. I hope I will be at least half as happy in my marriage as you guys were in yours.

6:35 AM  
Blogger Northwoods Woman said...

You have such a beautiful way with words. I can only hope I can find that kind of love. Wanda is opening the orchids to show you she is there.

6:32 PM  
Blogger benning said...

If you can still post about flowers, you're getting better. You will survive. You have to! Wanda would certainly expect it. So do we!

Now, do you really eat orchids? I mean ... orchids?

What's for dessert? Grass clippings?


5:05 PM  
Blogger The MacBean Gene said...

Benning you are right about what Wanda would expect. It's one of the things that makes this all easiter. Sbe would, whenever we discussed the posibility of her leaving, tell me, "you'll be fine". I can't ever express how much I miss her but as usual she was right and I will be fine
And beagles will eat most anything put in front of them including but not limited to orchids and yes grass clippings make a fine dessert (if you're a dog).

6:48 AM  

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